In my dating app experience, I have been pretty willing to try different apps. The first was Bumble thanks to my sister talking about it (and loneliness), but I’ve downloaded a plethora of other ones. Ok Cupid, Hinge, Coffee Meet Bagel, Clover…you name it, I’ve probably tried it. (Except Tinder…I like to pretend because I haven’t done that one my standards are sooo high.) But it had never occurred to me to see what was on dating apps for “different” lifestyles. Until now.
I was on Instagram one day, and one of the “sponsored posts” was for an app that helps sugar daddies and sugar babies (gag, I know, I feel gross using that term) meet. Now, I have made jokes about finding a sugar daddy, but I was honestly kind of surprised an app like this existed. I guess I shouldn’t have been, because, ya know, the Internet, but I was intrigued. Do people actually use apps like this? Are sugar daddy relationships that popular these days? Why in the hell is Instagram suggesting this to me? So…I found myself downloading Seeking Arrangements.
Now, my intention was never to actually meet or get involved with anyone. If you love this kind of thing, you do you – there’s a lid for every pot and all that. If someone wants to pay me to be pretty and this arrangement doesn’t involve any “sugar” (cringe), cool! But I just don’t think I have it in me to have this kind of arrangement. I am fiercely opposed to women being treated like objects and that’s always what this has seemed like to me. My intention was honestly just to satisfy my curiosity. I have never met a sugar daddy or sugar baby and I love collecting weird stories to share with you guys, so here we are.
I didn’t put a whole lot in my bio – pretty generic, vague stuff. I did put in two pictures just so my stuff wasn’t blank. I picked a cleavage-heavy one and one I took in my sexy Harry Potter Halloween costume. If sexy Harry Potter doesn’t float your boat, I don’t know what will. I thought about lowering my age because I don’t think most sugar daddies are looking for women in their late 20s, but whatever WOMEN CAN AGE AND IT SHOULDNT BE FROWNED UPON BY MEN WHO PERPETUATE UNREALISTIC BEAUTY STANDARDS AND I WANT TO YELL ABOUT IT ALL DAY.
One of the first things I noticed was that some men get really specific about what they’re looking for. This felt a little too much like buying a bride to me. Or like I’m a show dog – they’re one step away from opening my mouth to examine my teeth. People are like this on regular dating apps too, don’t get me wrong, but here it just seems more creepy.
I got the teeth, but little feet? Psh. I got them Shaquille O’Neal feet.
I did get quite a few messages, which I guess is nice for an old sugar baby (shudder). A lot of the messages involved people being very straight forward about wanting to pay for you, basically. This raised a lot of questions about where the line is between prostitution and sugar daddy relationships.
What if my friend is a dude? Do we have to split this $100? Is your brother cute? Is this a plot so you both can date rape me and my man friend? I have a lot more questions before I say yes. Also, this was his very first message to me. At least pretend you want to get to know me. Side note: this dude had something pretty funny on his profile that I knew I HAD to post:
I mean I don’t know the going rates, but I feel like $250 is a little low for a couple. I really wanted to post the picture of this couple because it’s just so awesome and repulsive, but I decided for privacy’s sake not to do it. But let me paint you a picture: imagine a 40 something, scantily clad woman with fake boobs and black hair who would be at home in a biker bar. Now imagine she is inappropriately touching an almost naked older white dude with man boobs. You’re welcome.
Last but not least, there are men on there who have the attitude like you owe them something right off the bat.
Surprisingly no, literal stranger, I cannot FaceTime a potential sugar daddy at my desk, nor would I want to. Especially when I assume this would not be an innocent FaceTime to ask me how my day is going. This attitude could send me into a giant feminist rant, but that’s a post for another day.
Conclusion: I am not cut out to be a sugar baby (throws up in mouth), and people on the internet just get weirder and weirder the more you are on it. My curiosity is satisfied for the rest of my life. Unless you want to pay me to look pretty at my house, away from you, and I never have to talk to you or see you – then we can talk.